Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
