So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
