I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
