Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
