I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
