Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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