I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
