Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
