We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
