just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
