I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she told me i tasted like america
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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