im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
