no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
