There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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