Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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