I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
