i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
