I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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