There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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