Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
