I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
