He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
