I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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