found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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