So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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