I smell stomach acid.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
