Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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