His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
