i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
