So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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