Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
