he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
