I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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