Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
