false alarm. still invincible.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
