Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
