i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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