you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
