you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just had sex on a roof
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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