I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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