The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
