shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
