sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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