I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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