Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
