He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
