Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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