I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
vagina is talking i cant
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
