yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
