i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
